Government Warns Pumpkins and Jack-o’-Lanterns Cause Global Warming

Townhall reports:

Are you preparing to participate in the fun filled holiday of Halloween this weekend? Did you carve pumpkins into Jack-o’-lanterns with your children, friends or family? Well, you should be ashamed of yourself. Don’t you know that pumpkins cause global warming when they decay by emitting methane (the same thing emitted from the bowls of cows), which is a far more dangerous “greenhouse gas” than carbon dioxide? The government is here to warn you.

From the Department of Energy website:

At landfills, MSW [pumpkin] decomposes and eventually turns into methane—a harmful greenhouse gas that plays a part in climate change, with more than 20 times the warming effect of carbon dioxide (CO2). However, when MSW is used to harness bioenergy—rather than simply being thrown away—the end result benefits the environment and helps our nation become less dependent on carbon-based fuel. Harnessing the potential of bioenergy allows the United States to generate its own supply of clean energy that reduces greenhouse gas emissions. It also limits stress on landfills by reducing waste and could ultimately create jobs for manufacturing, installing, and maintaining energy systems.

And why not take the fun and creativity out of Halloween festivities by carving a public service message about global warming into your pumpkin so the neighbors can see it? After all, you need to make up for your environmental sin of purchasing a pumpkin in the first place. The Department of Energy is making it easy by providing energy friendly patterns.

We also put together some energy-themed pumpkin patterns to help “energize” your neighborhood for Halloween. Send us photos of your energy-themed jack-o-lanterns via Twitter,Instagram, Facebook or email at and we’ll share our favorites.

And apparently, we should all be turning our pumpkins into fuel instead of throwing them away or allowing animals to eat them. What’s next? A government mandated pumpkin recycling program?

Next thing you know, they’ll be coming for our pumpkin pie!

Exit question: How much taxpayer money was spent on demeaning pumpkins and Halloween?

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